TwentySomethingLove

cityyandcolour: sadexistences: fogblogger: kinkyturtle:: geeks...

Fri, 17 May 2013 08:31:50 -0700

sadexistences:

fogblogger:

kinkyturtle::

geekscoutcookies:

If you dont do anything else tonight. Press Play. I was laughing, singing and cheering.

I want to marry someone who will do this kind of thing with me.

I HAD to post this. HAD TO.

Great grace, and Truest trust.

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:50:20 -0700

Hey there all you in blogesphere.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, I know. Circumstantially, I just haven’t had the writers bug. I’ve been working 40, 50 hour weeks, and really loving it. There are those moments, though, where I wish I could go back to the way things used to be. This single thing has been really, really hard for me. When you love someone, it’s really hard to stop loving them cold turkey, especially when there aren’t many bad things about this person.

I picked up my bible willingly for the first time yesterday morning, and while reading proverbs, every scripture was on a broken heart, or crushed spirit. I sat in my bed and cried the majority of the morning. I guess this is where the healing process begins?

The place where vulnerability meets the will of God, and trust is guided with grace.

Do I love this place? Well… it’s not my favorite. I’m sad first thing in the morning, and trudge through the day until I start work. But yesterday morning gave me this beautiful glimpse of hope. Seeing beyond what I’m feeling.

Whatever happens with things in the future. I know this:

My heart and hope are hidden on high ground. Handing out grace, renouncing my frowns. I’ve moved along the earth searching for my place. While all along here, You, Oh God have set the pace. Marking out the plans before me, to where I will place my feet. Though many may strike against me, they have already been beat. To Him who is able to do exceedingly more than I could ever ask or imagine for. Glory, and honor are Yours, now and forever.

Christ is > my singleness.

Samantha.

Unconventional grace.

Thu, 09 May 2013 00:40:42 -0700

A woman in the Bible, Rahab, was a prostitute. She was spared during a battle in her city because she wanted to be on the “side of God”. Well her lineage is something in the history books for sure, as her family tree goes like this: Rahab is the mother of Boaz, Boaz is the father of Obed, who was the father of Jesse, who was the father of David…. Skipping a couple of generations and here we end up…. Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom Jesus was born, who is called Christ. Rahab was a sin-filled woman with a controversial story. A castoff. She was imperfect, immoral, and improper. She was handpicked to be apart of His lineage. She was redeemed by faith she had put in God. I sometimes can’t see my own two feet in front of me. But this was a good reminder that my circumstances, no matter how big they can get, are no match for the outrageous plan the Lord has for those who have faith to believe that he is who he says he is.

Support Samantha for Bethel School of Worship!

Sat, 04 May 2013 19:25:00 -0700

Support Samantha for Bethel School of Worship!:

I’m going to Bethel School of Worship in order to grow in the gifts that God has given me! Hopecity has graciously helped, and now I just need a little extra support for the month I will be gone!

The Dad Dilemma.

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:01:00 -0700

To my sweet twentysomething friends: I recently have broken up with my boyfriend, Tyler - and in support, some of my single girlfriends in ministry, and myself, created a blog for girls like us who need to cope, but not in front of people we don’t know face to face… On the blog, we talk real life, real feelings, and fight for our relationship with a real God who we know loves us WAY more than we know! Check it out if you’re interested, and read our stories. This was an excerpt I wrote the other day in response to what the Lord has been teaching me. Enjoy lovelies! xoxoo!

Sitting in a small office, I poured my heart out to a woman with many wise words. Her wisdom flowed so graciously as she helped me understand my never ending need for a father. My never ending need for my spirit to cry out, Abba – Daddy… I need you…

You see the last three months I have been living with my Dad, and my step mom. My dad is what they call a “functional alcoholic”. He drinks every night beginning at, or around 4 – and he doesn’t stop until he goes to bed – which is anytime between 11 and 2 in the morning. He sleeps probably 5/6 hours a night, goes to work where he is a lead inside sales manager, and he does the whole thing over again. He drove off of a bridge when I was 8 years old because of his problem, and now almost 15 years later, my heart still feels like that little girl who just needs her Dad. Alive, by the grace of God – those issues are obviously surfacing.

My issues with my biological Dad aren’t the only ‘daddy’ issues I have, unfortunately.

When I was 9 years old, my mom met, and married this all around gentleman from Texas. He was tall, handsome, and had perfect teeth. He had a way of making me feel like I was so special, and did this guerrilla love thing with us. The man I pictured walking me down the isle when I got married, was him. He had some flaws though. Flaws, that through the years got worse, and worse. He called me every name in the book, pulled me out of bed to prove a point, slammed me against walls, kicked me, grabbed me, shook me, locked me out, locked me in, spit at me, and everything else you could fit into an emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive home… When I was 21, he put a gun to my moms head, and she finally left him. And do you know what my first thought was?

Who’s going to walk me down the isle?

And since then, my daddy issues have been tucked away, pushed aside, and left for later.

“Well, Honey, later is now it seems…” The wise woman told me today.

My boyfriend was that “Father figure” replacement as I moved back in with my biological Dad. Ty provided this security, and vacation from the flack I would get from my Dad while he’s drunk. He protected me when I needed a place to stay, or talk to. And today, these words were circling around my head as I cried and cried…

he’s not your dad… I am.

The mental versus the emotional are a strange battle. But to move forward to a confident, single, God fearing woman, I must face the issues as they come. No more pushing problems down, and away. I have Dad issues. Words spoken to me for years that I’ve been believing. And right now – I say no more. It’s time to heal, and move forward.

Single Again,

Sam

Romans 8:15 {For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you
have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”}

Still Single.

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:44:11 -0700

Still Single.:

Tales and Trials of the girls in 503.

If you’re single and you know it clap your hands! *clapclap*

Meet me and my single friends as we talk real life. For seriousness.

My heart and hope are hidden on high ground. Handing out grace,...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 19:02:00 -0700

Photo

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:01:32 -0700

I need a hero.

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:26:00 -0700

Did you too sing those first few lines of the ever so popular diva-esque song? I know I did, and I don’t even remember who sang it. Tina Turner, or Whitney? Meh. Details.

But I do like the title of my ‘first blog in quite some time’. (It really has been a while)… I don’t know what I have been doing, but OBVIOUSLY it wasn’t writing to you fine, and loverly people.

SO many great things have been happening in life - but I will spare you the detes until another blog post comes along … for now - let’s home team it up for a second, shall we? I see I have some new followers, and I thought before we dive deep into this post - I’ll introduce myself :) ****

I’m Samantha. I love Jesus, SouthEast Portland, fresh cut grass, teen moms, my psychology course, Tyler, and I can’t believe I’m saying this…. My car, Gigi. Which stands for ‘Grandma Gangster Car’. Her rap name is ‘GiGi C’. You’re welcome. ****

Here, we dive in deep to the things of life, and the Lord, and we don’t do any of that tippy toe action. We get right into the nitty gritty of it all, and we swim, not sink, because we know that we are, A) Figuring out that there is a real God out there who loves us, and carries us, and we still need to test out a few kinks in that, or B) Understanding more everyday that God loves us, carries us, transforms us, and not only does he foster us, but he keeps us, and adopts us. Praise Jesus :)

Everyday, as women, (Or men - some of you are following me after all :) we are faced everyday, from the moment we put our feet on the floor, we are gutted with this void. It begins with hunger, or the bad pizza you ate the night before (Ehhem- Men!), and ends the day with not feeling fully satisfied in something. It really could be anything from, “I burnt my toast, and was late to school”, to “That boy didn’t smile back at me, and barely said looked at me all day”. Oh - Here’s another one. “I needed this, but didn’t get it, so let me be sad so I can deal with what to do next.” You feel empty - like something good-for-you is missing, and we aimlessly wonder, searching for the hope of something good to be on its way. Soon.

Umm. Hi. Have you been there? Oh. Because I have. Like.. Today actually. In fact. The past month.

Here’s where we go deep. Strap on those life jackets ;)

I am not about to waltz in here twentysomethings and pretend like I have this DOWN… Because I’m writing this blog for all of those who are like me - who don’t have this down.

I have a void. A big one. I have empty spots all up and down my heart, and my soul, and my gut, and I have felt weary, and tired, and selfish, and complacent, and all those gross, crazy things people warn you about if you don’t take care of the fact that we cannot afford to think we can do it all on our own. We actually weren’t created to do anything on out own.

Think back to Eve. Adam was hers, and she was his. Ezer Kenegdo the Hebrew says. God’s word to women. Same with Ruth, and Boaz, and *duh duh du dunnn! * (Singing voice) Jesus - to you; to me.

Each person, partnered with their hero who saved the day. Granted, Adam didn’t “save the day” when Eve took a bite - but he did follow her - made babies with her, and I bet in Eve’s eyes - no matter what - they were in this together, and they were beginning to realize that because of what they did - they were separated from paradise - but not separated from God.

Today, I needed someone to rescue me from my thoughts that were beginning to run with the best of what God has given me right now. Thoughts that were causing so much hurt, and pain, that I knew if I didn’t pray about it right away, they would just continue to get carried away.

Jesus - I need you. Please, come and rescue me. Please come, and bring me peace, and confidence, and hope that things always get better. Where there is adversity - Victory lingers close by. Help me to remember those truths. You are my hero, and I love you.

We all need a hero. Because we all need, or will need to be rescued at some point in our existence. And the only one who can give you the peace that I feel right now as I type all this hodge podge out - is Jesus. His kindness brings me to repentance, and I am given grace, and forgiveness.

All’s Grace,

Samantha :)

herewecollide: You, in all your beauty and your brokenness, are...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 10:25:07 -0800

herewecollide:

You, in all your beauty and your brokenness, are reason enough.

A little transparency for ya...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 00:30:00 -0800

It’s 11:21pm and I’m heating up the stove for my gluten free mac ‘n cheese from New Seasons. It’s Monday, and I am tired. I have a new fantastic job working with teen moms as a residential counselor, and I worked an overnight shift, and I feel like my body is still trying to re-coup from all that. Tears on the edge of my eyes and my heart is a little tender these days. I can’t explain grace, or love these days when I feel like every fiber of my being is being tugged at, and pulled, and swayed, and drafted, and I can’t catch a breath when I need it most, and I let people down, and I can’t be everywhere at once, and sleep seems distant, and my mouth isn’t speaking life, and friends pull away, and school is consuming, and, and, and, and… I’m just not perfect like my mind wants me to be. I’m not the least bit put together as people think I am. My mind is a pool of emotions, and I struggle not letting the world know all about my drama.

But throughout this evening, I have found a friend who I’ve tucked aside for sometime now… Gratitude.

When you are transparent with the fact that you feel like you’re being swallowed alive - gratitude is what pulls you out of deep waters… I have found that when you have thankfulness on your lips, it is really difficult to feel sad. I haven’t been practicing that lately, and I kind of refuse to fall into a pattern of my past. …So I’ve been feeling a bit anxious lately - like legitimate can’t breathe, tight chest, headaches, and needing to seriously scream or something - and today I just said that enough was enough.

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
{Philippians 4: 6}

I have a lot to be thankful for… Like my amazing job that was an answer to a year long prayer. working side by side with some incredible teen moms who need a little extra lovin’ and support, and encouragement. How about my bed with its million and five blankets, and 13 hundred pillows. Let’s not forget Gigi - my indestructible car. She has about 29 lives. Tyler’s eyes when he tell me that he loves me, and silly voices in his car for fifteen minutes. The Minnesota accents are my favorite too :) Punching the air when I get excited about something, and then immediately saying ‘Boom Shaka!”. My Bible, and journal before bed the last few nights, and the daylight through my window first thing in the morning. Gluten free pasta, and bread that makes me feel semi like a normal person. Puppy kisses, and hot fruity tea at the mall. Red leggings and black shirts, and braids pulled to the side that tickle your neck. Being makeup free for lent, and feeling confident in my own skin. Worship music on repeat that warms your soul. (Oceans my Hillsong U, and 10,000 Reasons, version by Rend Collective). Transparent texts with a friend from Boise, and fun phone calls with a girlfriend collaborating on blind dates for her. Scoring 80% on a really difficult math test, and longbottom coffee co. to thank for that! I’m thankful for my Dad’s hugs that make me feel loved even when things are tense. My mom’s phone calls when she’s driving home. My Grandma reminding me to count my blessings, and my Pastor reminding us that it’s okay to not be okay. Michelle, my counselor, who constantly keeps me in her thoughts and prayers, and my Jenn… Without her, my heart would have a hard time settling down. My best friends, Ro and Nessa - and my Rachelly friend - they all brighten my day. Deep breaths when I hadn’t had one all day, and peace an quiet at home as everyone sleeps.
See… there is so much to be thankful for… and I feel all of a sudden lighter. Thank you Lord…

How are you feeling? Try writing out some gratitude. Nooks and crannies of grace and love for the small stuff…

Love,
Samantha

For Farther Than Your Eyes Can See...: Valentines Day!

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:12:37 -0800

For Farther Than Your Eyes Can See...: Valentines Day!:

fartherthanyoureyescansee:

My love(s),

By now you know that your mom is crazy for Valentine’s day. I want you to know that even before I was married to your Dad, Valentine’s day was still my favorite holiday. I’m going to talk to you about relationships really quick but I don’t want to waste your time because I’m not even…

This is my best friend, and she is writing letters to her future kids. She isn’t married yet, and only 23 - but her wisdom in these letters are far greater than the eye can see. Please take some time to read this :) - I am so excited!

His Love Never Fails.

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:14:33 -0800

I waited a long, long time to have a Valentine. 23 years, minus that one year in the 7th grade when Leland Tebo was my boyfriend. The chocolate rose he gave me broke, and I could barely dance one slow song with him, before I ran away to the bathroom to freak out.

I’ve come a long way since then, I have. I think.

Today, I am in love. With two people actually. I’m first and foremost, madly in love with my Jesus - He is the one who truly has my heart, and makes everyday worth living. He has my love forever and ever. The second is the love of my life, Tyler. He is it, I swear. Loves me when I least deserve it, want it, or even crave it. He makes me smile by his incredible humor, and his smile makes my heart skip beats - it’s true! I can’t wait to marry this man, and spend the rest of my life with him - him with faults, and flaws, and scars, and wounds - with me - complete with faults, and flaws, and scars, and wounds. I love him when he dances with me in front of 50 people, and I love him when it’s just him and I playing board games at a diner. He has proved to be secure, and steady, and is a rock in my tower. I look forward to Saturday’s spent with him, and I will love him forever, and always.

Today, we are spending this holiday apart because of work, and school, and work. But, Saturday, we will be together, and I can’t wait :)

I guess I’m writing all this, because I remember being single last year, and so frustrated with the season. I had a similar feeling that I have today. That feeling that man’s love will never, ever compare to the outlandish love of Christ. It’s HIS love that keeps me going, day in, day out. I crave His the most out of all the attention and affection I receive.

Give yourself to Christ’s love, fully, my friend. Give yourself to His lavishing affections over you. He is so delighted in you, and the grace He gives to you, just like His mercies, are new every morning. You are clothed in strength, and can get through any season, knowing, and walking in this truth.

His love never fails.

That was powerful and real Sam! I truly believe that too: God really wants to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us to our completeness in Him. I'm so ready and walking towards this with the Lord in my life too. It's amazing how He moves the same but in different ways with us all. How amazing He is! Thank you for sharing your heart <3

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 21:13:37 -0800

Lovely person! Thank you for writing :) I also love how the holy spirit kind of keeps us all on the same pages so when we read something that really hits us - it really hits us! Keep it up, friend! He’s so good to us!

Restore.

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:52:00 -0800

Before you read, please scroll down to the bottom of this page, and click ‘play’ and ‘repeat’, on the following instrumental song :)

***

I tend to start off blogs describing where I’m at, what I’m doing, and what is surrounding me. I’m very much a “sight, touch, smell” person. Hands on, I guess you would call it. I want others to know exactly what I’m feeling and seeing, and realizing all in the moment I’m writing it. I do that when I tell stories too. I could take a whole extra twenty minutes just describing the atmosphere of the place I was in when “that thing” happened. By the time I’m done, my friends - all very loving - are forced to roll their eyes, or blankly stare at me to “get to the point, Sam!” I reply with trying to get them to understand that I have to “Set the scene, gosh!” …

Setting the scene is important to me as I write and tell stories. I become present again in that moment, so when I re-tell it, or re-write it, I am feeling all over again the emotions that were paired with the story, hoping they touch the reader, or listener.

Deep breath. I guess this is where I come in.

Today I woke up at my Dad’s house. The home of Teddy the dog, Gabby the cat, my Step Mom, Kathy, and my Dad, Glenn. I fell asleep in a very packed room. Boxes, bags, blankets, and a large assortment of vases, and twigs - I have a very crowded space that is begging to be unpacked. With my parent’s divorced at age 7, I haven’t lived with my Dad since then for more than a couple of days at a time. I’m 23, and let’s just say that waking up in my parent’s house was a little strange. There was, however, coffee made this morning, and eggs in the fridge, and I was quite please with both of those things. I spent the morning chatting Kathy’s ear off, and drinking my coffee a lot quicker than normal. Re-fills were a staple for my waking up process.

Sitting back on my bed, I opened my Bible. I have missed it’s pages, and wisdom, and found myself hungry for time. Yesterday, I had some of it. Time, that is. I was sitting in my car - the rain pitter-pattering on the windshield. I began journaling out some heart pains, and the Lord brought me to this verse.

1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

My first thought was… “Why do I have to suffer?” That may be yours too.

I believe it is so that I can place my full attention on the only truth to the situation. God is the only one who can take care of my past, so that he can restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish me in His Glory.

We all have scars with years and years of bandages placed over them. Here’s the thing.

Scars heal.

{Jeremiah 30:17} For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.

I am through with bringing my scars into my relationships, and into my spaces. I am fervently asking the Lord to heal, and restore in 2013. Going through this list. One by one, I take my requests…

Restoration.

Confirmation.

Strength.

Establishment.

All for the glory and honor of Christ, will He heal me. And you. Please don’t forget about yourself, now. You too have the inner ability to call on the name of Jesus when you face trials of many kinds. He too, will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

I don’t even feel as though I’m facing a real trial right now. But I do see my heart facing these very raw issues.

Here’s to being vulnerable - a place no one really likes to go - but I’m sincerely hoping to start a trend here. A feeling where you have to be ‘present’ with yourself, and the Lord. The act of being ‘still’, and being open.

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

….

Deep breath.

That felt lovely…

xoo,

Sam

Photo

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 14:17:24 -0800

heads up...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 16:44:09 -0800

I’m still alive :) See you soon!

In one year so many things have happened. Let me break it...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 11:25:00 -0800

In one year so many things have happened.

Let me break it down.

In January, the year started off with a new relationship with the love of my life. We weren’t quite ready yet, however… but the plot continues…

In February I was learning how to be Sam. I was learning the art of truly losing myself in being satisfied with the Lord - Satisfied with where he wanted me - Satisfied with where he had me.

In March I was in preparation to move out of my house, and into the unknown. I went away this month to the coast to really seek the Lord on some forgiveness things I needed worked on. Abuse. Addiction. Anxiety. Victim. Poverty. Learning to throw those words away, and claim the ever victorious words of love. Grace. Pure. Lovely. Able. Strong. Called. Peace. Freedom.

In April, a loving and amazing family from my church invited me to come rent a room in their home, as their newborn baby was on his way into the world! Ryan and Steffanie have been and continue to be nothing but a blessing, and they bring joy and a stillness into my life that I am thankful for. They are steady and secure, because Christ makes them steady, and secure. This month, I also gave up wearing makeup for the season on Lent, leading up to Easter. It was a challenge, and so worth it. You can go here to watch the Vlogs I did during that time.

May, June, and most of July were spent working hard as a nanny - my days filled with parks, OMSI, the Zoo, and legos. Graduation parties for friends moving forward in that season of their lives. Birthday and Bachelorette celebrations. Weddings, and barnyard dancing in the moonlight.

In late July, a very significant thing happened - it was hurtful, and today - I am healing. God is gracious, and patient, and his justice is far greater than my own - so I wait expectantly for the day when He returns to make all things that have been made wrong, right.

August is the birthday month for my brother and I. He lives in Guam, and I miss him all the time. I celebrated with my roommate Steffanie, in a backyard, movie charachter themed birthday extravaganza! There were about 40 of our closest friends there, and I felt very loved :)

In September, and October, I transitioned into a new season of life as I was beginning school. The Fall is my most favorite, and I welcomed it with long awaited, open arms!

In mid October, my love and I reunited, and Tyler and I are very happy. :)

November to December, Hopecity has been miraculous. We are growing in grace and in favor, and God still proves His love for us each time we meet. My pastor does what seems to be an effortless job leading this community. Women’s ministry is in it’s growing stages, and discipleship is on the horizon. I love my ladies!

Today is December 31, 2012 - the final day of the year.

I made it. Not because of my strife - but because of Christ’s.

2013 is going to be a year of trust, favor, grace, and growth. Learning to be this woman God has created me to be. Learning to be a daughter of a Most High and Lifted up, King of Kings, and Leader of nations. Leaning on Him in my weakness, and throwing off commercial christianity. Digging deep back down into the roots of why I was saved.

I was in darkness, searching for water, searching for light. I was rescued, and brought into light, and my thirst was no more. No longer faint in flesh, but strong in spirit.

Praise the Lord. He is good.

Happy New Year, dear friends :)

Samantha

Sometimes it's good to hear.

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 13:03:31 -0800

Striving for excellence wasn’t God’s intention. Striving takes a lot of joy out of us. It takes a lot of energy out of our already very tired bones. Striving causes us to think that what we do, isn’t ever going to be good enough.

But God says this: Take my yoke upon you when you are weary, and I will give you rest. I will help you. My strength is all you need - for it is when I was made weak, that you became strong. And when you are weak, come to me, and I will remind you of my overflowing love, and give you the strength you need to make it through more than just today. What I began, I will finish - for everything has a purpose and a timing.

theenchantedcottage: “Joy To The World” by Whitney Houston,...

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 16:20:27 -0800

theenchantedcottage:

“Joy To The World” by Whitney Houston, from The Preacher’s Wife

It’s not quite Christmas without seeing The Preacher’s Wife!

Whitney fan forever and always :-)

If this doesn’t make you happy - friends - I’m just not sure what will!!!