It’s 11:21pm and I’m heating up the stove for my gluten free mac ‘n cheese from New Seasons. It’s Monday, and I am tired. I have a new fantastic job working with teen moms as a residential counselor, and I worked an overnight shift, and I feel like my body is still trying to re-coup from all that. Tears on the edge of my eyes and my heart is a little tender these days. I can’t explain grace, or love these days when I feel like every fiber of my being is being tugged at, and pulled, and swayed, and drafted, and I can’t catch a breath when I need it most, and I let people down, and I can’t be everywhere at once, and sleep seems distant, and my mouth isn’t speaking life, and friends pull away, and school is consuming, and, and, and, and… I’m just not perfect like my mind wants me to be. I’m not the least bit put together as people think I am. My mind is a pool of emotions, and I struggle not letting the world know all about my drama.

But throughout this evening, I have found a friend who I’ve tucked aside for sometime now… Gratitude.

When you are transparent with the fact that you feel like you’re being swallowed alive - gratitude is what pulls you out of deep waters… I have found that when you have thankfulness on your lips, it is really difficult to feel sad. I haven’t been practicing that lately, and I kind of refuse to fall into a pattern of my past. …So I’ve been feeling a bit anxious lately - like legitimate can’t breathe, tight chest, headaches, and needing to seriously scream or something - and today I just said that enough was enough.

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
{Philippians 4: 6}

I have a lot to be thankful for… Like my amazing job that was an answer to a year long prayer. working side by side with some incredible teen moms who need a little extra lovin’ and support, and encouragement. How about my bed with its million and five blankets, and 13 hundred pillows. Let’s not forget Gigi - my indestructible car. She has about 29 lives. Tyler’s eyes when he tell me that he loves me, and silly voices in his car for fifteen minutes. The Minnesota accents are my favorite too :) Punching the air when I get excited about something, and then immediately saying ‘Boom Shaka!”. My Bible, and journal before bed the last few nights, and the daylight through my window first thing in the morning. Gluten free pasta, and bread that makes me feel semi like a normal person. Puppy kisses, and hot fruity tea at the mall. Red leggings and black shirts, and braids pulled to the side that tickle your neck. Being makeup free for lent, and feeling confident in my own skin. Worship music on repeat that warms your soul. (Oceans my Hillsong U, and 10,000 Reasons, version by Rend Collective). Transparent texts with a friend from Boise, and fun phone calls with a girlfriend collaborating on blind dates for her. Scoring 80% on a really difficult math test, and longbottom coffee co. to thank for that! I’m thankful for my Dad’s hugs that make me feel loved even when things are tense. My mom’s phone calls when she’s driving home. My Grandma reminding me to count my blessings, and my Pastor reminding us that it’s okay to not be okay. Michelle, my counselor, who constantly keeps me in her thoughts and prayers, and my Jenn… Without her, my heart would have a hard time settling down. My best friends, Ro and Nessa - and my Rachelly friend - they all brighten my day. Deep breaths when I hadn’t had one all day, and peace an quiet at home as everyone sleeps.
See… there is so much to be thankful for… and I feel all of a sudden lighter. Thank you Lord…

How are you feeling? Try writing out some gratitude. Nooks and crannies of grace and love for the small stuff…

Love,
Samantha

I waited a long, long time to have a Valentine.  23 years, minus that one year in the 7th grade when Leland Tebo was my boyfriend.  The chocolate rose he gave me broke, and I could barely dance one slow song with him, before I ran away to the bathroom to freak out.   

I’ve come a long way since then, I have.  I think. 

Today, I am in love.  With two people actually.  I’m first and foremost, madly in love with my Jesus - He is the one who truly has my heart, and makes everyday worth living.  He has my love forever and ever.  The second is the love of my life, Tyler.  He is it, I swear.  Loves me when I least deserve it, want it, or even crave it.  He makes me smile by his incredible humor, and his smile makes my heart skip beats - it’s true!  I can’t wait to marry this man, and spend the rest of my life with him - him with faults, and flaws, and scars, and wounds - with me - complete with faults, and flaws, and scars, and wounds.  I love him when he dances with me in front of 50 people, and I love him when it’s just him and I playing board games at a diner.  He has proved to be secure, and steady, and is a rock in my tower.  I look forward to Saturday’s spent with him, and I will love him forever, and always.  

Today, we are spending this holiday apart because of work, and school, and work.  But, Saturday, we will be together, and I can’t wait :)

I guess I’m writing all this, because I remember being single last year, and so frustrated with the season.  I had a similar feeling that I have today.  That feeling that man’s love will never, ever compare to the outlandish love of Christ.  It’s HIS love that keeps me going, day in, day out.  I crave His the most out of all the attention and affection I receive.  

Give yourself to Christ’s love, fully, my friend.  Give yourself to His lavishing affections over you.  He is so delighted in you, and the grace He gives to you, just like His mercies, are new every morning.  You are clothed in strength, and can get through any season, knowing, and walking in this truth. 

His love never fails. 

Anonymous asked: That was powerful and real Sam! I truly believe that too: God really wants to restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us to our completeness in Him. I'm so ready and walking towards this with the Lord in my life too. It's amazing how He moves the same but in different ways with us all. How amazing He is! Thank you for sharing your heart <3

Lovely person! Thank you for writing :) I also love how the holy spirit kind of keeps us all on the same pages so when we read something that really hits us - it really hits us! Keep it up, friend! He’s so good to us!

Before you read, please scroll down to the bottom of this page, and click ‘play’ and ‘repeat’, on the following instrumental song :)

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I tend to start off blogs describing where I’m at, what I’m doing, and what is surrounding me.  I’m very much a “sight, touch, smell” person.  Hands on, I guess you would call it.  I want others to know exactly what I’m feeling and seeing, and realizing all in the moment I’m writing it.  I do that when I tell stories too.  I could take a whole extra twenty minutes just describing the atmosphere of the place I was in when “that thing” happened.  By the time I’m done, my friends - all very loving - are forced to roll their eyes, or blankly stare at me to “get to the point, Sam!”  I reply with trying to get them to understand that I have to “Set the scene, gosh!” …

Setting the scene is important to me as I write and tell stories.  I become present again in that moment, so when I re-tell it, or re-write it, I am feeling all over again the emotions that were paired with the story, hoping they touch the reader, or listener.

Deep breath.  I guess this is where I come in.

Today I woke up at my Dad’s house.  The home of Teddy the dog, Gabby the cat, my Step Mom, Kathy, and my Dad, Glenn.  I fell asleep in a very packed room.  Boxes, bags, blankets, and a large assortment of vases, and twigs - I have a very crowded space that is begging to be unpacked.  With my parent’s divorced at age 7, I haven’t lived with my Dad since then for more than a couple of days at a time.  I’m 23, and let’s just say that waking up in my parent’s house was a little strange.  There was, however, coffee made this morning, and eggs in the fridge, and I was quite please with both of those things.  I spent the morning chatting Kathy’s ear off, and drinking my coffee a lot quicker than normal.  Re-fills were a staple for my waking up process. 

Sitting back on my bed, I opened my Bible.  I have missed it’s pages, and wisdom, and found myself hungry for time.  Yesterday, I had some of it.  Time, that is.  I was sitting in my car - the rain pitter-pattering on the windshield.  I began journaling out some heart pains, and the Lord brought me to this verse.

 1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Scars heal.

{Jeremiah 30:17} For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.

I’m still alive :) See you soon!

Striving for excellence wasn’t God’s intention. Striving takes a lot of joy out of us.  It takes a lot of energy out of our already very tired bones.  Striving causes us to think that what we do, isn’t ever going to be good enough. 

But God says this:  Take my yoke upon you when you are weary, and I will give you rest.  I will help you.  My strength is all you need - for it is when I was made weak, that you became strong. And when you are weak, come to me, and I will remind you of my overflowing love, and give you the strength you need to make it through more than just today.  What I began, I will finish - for everything has a purpose and a timing.